I could hear the joyful sound of
the athletic people from a distance. The impact the ball have on the dusty concrete floor could be heard throughout,
as it echoed for miles, it was so powerful that pigeons were startled. The squeaking
of the sneakers against the floor made me walk faster. As I walk
closer, the noises get louder and louder.
As I stepped on the rough basketball court, I saw many fresh teenagers
playing basketball. Most of them were young and energetic.
I sat at the side of this outdoor court. I looked around and noticed that there were multifarious types of trees outside the court. Those pacific trees gave shades to the court and calmness to the players. The wooden backboard and the metallic rim were so old. It seemed that they haven’t renovated the basket in a long time. There weren’t many seat for people to watch, so most people sat on the hard surface of the floor. Of course when people come here, they play basketball so there weren’t many people watching.
 |
| I took this photo by myself |
I sat at the side of this outdoor court. I looked around and noticed that there were multifarious types of trees outside the court. Those pacific trees gave shades to the court and calmness to the players. The wooden backboard and the metallic rim were so old. It seemed that they haven’t renovated the basket in a long time. There weren’t many seat for people to watch, so most people sat on the hard surface of the floor. Of course when people come here, they play basketball so there weren’t many people watching.
I took my eyes off the other things
and focused on the players. There was
one man that caught my eyes. His flamboyant sneakers were so eye-catching as he move
around the court. The colors of his sneakers were so vibrant. He was driving
the ball towards the basket. His legs were so muscular and filled with
strength. I couldn’t spot any fear or hesitation in his intrepid eyes at all. I could
sense that this young man is really confident and he is really good. *Swish* he
scored baskets after one another. The amazing sound when the ball went through
the net was so pleasing to hear. That man was the most talented player in
there.
The game ended. They took
a rest for around 10 minutes. During the rest, I went to ask that man for a
one-on-one match. I noticed that he was so much older than me when I looked at
him closely. The one-on-one match started. He was moving so fast that I couldn’t
keep up with him when I’m guarding him. His strength was so powerful as he
drive towards the basket. His defenses were also flawless. I knew that I’m no
match for him. I asked him to teach me the fundamentals and drills that help me
to be better. He was a very good teacher, whatever he taught was so useful. I was docile because I wanted to be better at basketball. I
didn’t regret asking him for the one-on-one match. I learned many things from
him that could help me. It was a great experience after all! |
| I took this photo by myself |
Mr. Narkhan, your use of the verbal tenses changes throughout the story. "Those peaceful trees give coolness". Well that's present tense, while the whole story is past tense. When I read about the basketball player, I felt as if I could really see him there. There were a few errors here and there, but it was a nice spectator sport.
ReplyDelete-Tanat Boozayaangool Period 1
Thank you Boozayaangool! I'll improve my tenses
DeleteYour choice of word helps me picture this scene very vividly in my mind. I can also imply that, pretending I don't know anything about you, you love the sport of basketball. You also know a good player when you see one, which I implied from your use of adjectives describing him. Good job!
ReplyDelete-Chayanat V. P8
Apiwat, sincerely speaking, this essay is really descriptive. I could imagine and picture it out on my mind about the rims an how old it may seem,the chains and the balls and even the "squeaking of the shoes." That was one of my favorite lines out there. Well, to be honest you have more pros than cons. The could feel your excitement and anxiety when you hear the sound of the ball as you approach the court. That happened to me too. And though I never met the flamboyant shoe guy before, I could make out what he may look like and estimate his skills.
ReplyDeleteThe thing you need to fix is your tense consistency. Choose a tense you want to stick to. If you need a change of tense, use transitional words that indicate time. Or else it may look back and forth and make me confuse.
Other than that... GOOD JOB !!! So far I like yours the best!! Keep it up!
- Anucha Sakdsrinarang P8
Thank you for your comment, Anucha! I'll improve with my tenses.
DeleteYou know what I liked about this essay? It's simple. No need to use complicated and difficult words. And although it's simple, it's descriptive and I can feel what you wanted to express to us, readers. Moreover, from knowing you for a long time, I knew that you like--I mean LOVE basketball. And yeah...It's a great choice of choosing your topic, about what you really love, and that's why I can feel the passion from the writings! Narkhan is like Genghis Khan! Good Job! :D
ReplyDelete-Vanantorn S.
Thank you Suttikajornkijjakarn! I'm glad that you like my simple blog.
DeleteFirst of all, good job on your first essay. It’s a good one because you are writing about something you love. With its simplicity, the essay still looks very descriptive. I can really feel like I am there in the scene because I as a reader can sense the feeling you are trying to express. You are good at using words to describe the scene. This is pretty good :D and I like it so keep it up.
ReplyDelete-Nattaporn P1
I never knew u could write such a writing, I am simply engulf by the thrill you felt, and had successfully relayed to the audience. It's too damn good, BUT !! (And so it begins)You will have to know more adjectives, opening thesaurus will help you gravely. "sound of the basketball bouncing up and down echoes from far away" it's such a cliche phrase, u can make it "the impact the ball have on the dusty concrete floor could be heard throughout, as it echoed for miles, it was so powerful that pigeons were startled" something like that. you can be extremely more descriptive with the rough basketball court, like how you felt when u stepped on it, or how u felt when u touched it, etc. "tranquil trees" doesn't goes together, i think. "Those peaceful trees give coolness" coolness? makes me lawl. the tree part is unnecessary, yet very good, just need a more appropriate adjective. The rest how you describe the Hero playing bball and u playing, is just flawless (will be better with more adj), maybe because you are a basketball player!! this is good!! keep it up my friend, i like it so much!! i must admit, i'm so into it in the last 2 paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mr Potter! You're comment is so useful and advisable!
DeleteTo be honest, I didn't think you would sound like this in real life (LOL)
ReplyDeleteBut I think you had a really great experience. Asking others for help will make you a better basketball player. I'm not gonna criticize anything about your writing because it's completely amazing. Keep writing, but most of all, keep getting better at basketball :D
You wrote a really good post. I never thought that you were capable of writing something like this. I am really impressed with this story and can see that you are thinking about basketball almost all the time. This is really good and you should write as good as this the next time you write something.
ReplyDeleteEvery adjective describes the indoor basketball court you were in. I have never been to an indoor basketball court before, but this just makes me feel like I was teleported into a big indoor basketball court. The simplicity of each word is easy to read, not like some verbose blog entries I've read. But still, the usage of each vocabulary fits well. Great blog entry.
ReplyDelete-Parima Chaiwarut (P1)
this essay is really descriptive. i could easy imagine that i was in that court. it feels that i was also in the court even though i wasn't playing in the court. and now i knew that you really love basketball because every time you thought of basketball. nice essay!
ReplyDelete